Is Your Ex Showering the Kids with Gifts? Here’s What You Can Do
Co-parenting is always about finding a compromise after loads of confronting and discussing so that your kids get what they need after divorce. But even if you have already settled on a perfect parenting plan, it doesn’t mean that the process itself will go all smooth and cloudless. You will have to pass a bumpy road until you find a golden middle, which is not guaranteed at all.
The hurdles may arise when your ex sends you a gift for the kids or satisfy all their whims during visitation. You may put in a lot of effort to get your children to follow the routine and discipline. You finally build up a steady and cooperative relationship with them. But then comes your former spouse and ruins it all with pizza for every meal, iPhone as a gift for no reason, and weekends in Disneyland on a regular basis. Breathe out and review what you can do about this:
Remember Love Can’t Be Bought
This mantra is primarily for you to remember and follow. Your former spouse may give your kids post-divorce gifts for him not to feel guilty and look like a better father but not for you to feel worse. Even if your children are stunned by the toys and gadgets they get regularly, it doesn’t weaken the bond between you.
When your kids have nightmares, are hurt, or want to discuss some issues about the school, the gadgets and toys won’t help them but you will. And in the long run, all your efforts, love, and care will be praised and treasured more than expensive gifts.
Let Them Feel the Joy
Another tip for you to change your approach to the issue is to sympathize with your ex. You spend all the time you want with your kids, you follow their achievements and failures, help out with their troubles, get all the night and morning kisses, and more.
Meanwhile, after an online divorce, all that your former spouse gets is several hours and weekends here and there to enjoy the company of your children. So when your ex goes to extremes and takes your kids on an expensive tour or buys outstanding gifts out of the blue just to be the reason for their happiness, let it be. Let them feel the joy of the company of each other. And remember that you will get much more of your children anyway.
Don’t Play Bad Cop
No matter how hard you struggle to cover co-parenting with a difficult ex, never follow the temptation to play a bad cop. When your kids come home with dream gifts after a dream weekend without veggies, restrictions on TV, and house chores, you have no right to blame or punish them. You’d better not blame your ex in your children’s faces, too.
You may be disappointed, but your complaints, badmouthing your partner, and endless behavioral lessons to your kids will bring no good. They will only feel the drastic difference even more and your relationships may suffer. Instead, listen to your kids’ impressions and kindly remind them that you are back to the regular schedule and rules now.
Care about Your Part
You don’t need to waste your time and energy on showing how outraged you are that your ex-husband showers the children with expensive gifts. Whether you have your mind around it constantly, tell your kids or relatives about your disapproval, or nag your ex about the issue restlessly, it will bring no positive results either for your personal wellness or for your relationships. You should better direct your time and effort at caring about your part of parenting. Spend more quality time with your kids and they will see and feel that you are no less than their generous parent.
Discuss the Issue Openly
If your ex continues spoiling your daughter with post-divorce gifts for her, maybe it is time to discuss the issue openly. Talk it out to your former partner about how it negatively impacts your child. If your ex prioritizes your kids’ interests and needs, they will change their behavior for the better. Then it will be possible for you to set the boundaries and follow them so that everyone feels comfortable with your cooperation.
Spend More Time Together
If you spend quality time with your children, your ex will never outshine you. Nor with expensive gifts, nor with dream time spending. You will easily win and keep your kids’ love and trust if you care well about them. Even if they get blinded by material pleasantries for a while, eventually, they will learn the true virtues and understand that love isn’t defined by the number of gifts granted.
Reach for Professional Help
When you have no idea how to deal when your ex spoils your kids or you have already tried out all possible methods and nothing worked, you have two ways out. You should either ignore your ex’s behavior and they will give up on it in the end. Or if you feel a serious threat to your children when they are given expensive presents, you should reach for professional help. A family counselor, a child therapist, and other relevant specialists will help you deal with your family issues in the best suitable way.
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